How to Get Comfortable in Your Own Skin

 Would you say that you are comfortable in your own skin, or is that something you are working on, as I am, as well as most women I know? The idea that we can make midlife, and on, the best time of life has grabbed me hard, so much so that my next book is all about it. I really want to invite you into the conversation, so have put together a very short questionnaire, to know what’s on your heart too - it matters. (And if you’ve done it already, thank you!)

Back to being comfortable in our own skin…

• The good news is that we are always changing, and always, always, have the potential to grow stronger (inside and out).
• The bad news (driven home by society’s rusty “standards”) is that we don’t honor the changes, and this culture still favors youth.
• The REAL news is that the only constant IS change, so how do we come to terms with that, and become (or stay) comfortable in our own skin? Here are 5 ways that can help:

 1. Redefine Beauty: As the body changes (it is kinda part of life), can we take a moment to appreciate/marvel at all the things this intricate body actually does for us? Can we see the beauty that shines through not only our parts, but through our eyes and our resilient nature? Or… are we stuck fixating on the saggy sections, the wrinkles, the menopausal middle? Hey, I’m not saying this is easy. Since toddlerhood, in this culture, we have glorified youth, and tried to deny rather than embrace aging. The beauty industry’s fastest growing area is “anti-aging.” What if we flipped the script to have us declare we are pro-aging, recognizing that this is a privilege not everyone has? 

2. Love what is: What if we were to appreciate that just as the lines on our palms tell the story of our lives, the lines on our faces, tell the story of our experiences, our loves, our losses and our joys? “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

3. Open to the lessons: We all come to a point when we look at our history – are there paths we’d rather not have taken; are their regrets of not being true to our values? Newsflash: life is messy, and no one is perfect – we’re not supposed to be. If we are souls who signed up for this school of life, are we open to the lessons? Can we learn them with self-compassion instead of self-flagellation? Can we actually be gentle with ourselves as we learn, grow and evolve? This is an invitation to talk back to your inner critic, saying that you no longer accept that old narrative. “Thanks, but that’s not working for me anymore. We’re changing it up…”

4. Ask if it’s in your control: Recognize what issues you do and what you do not control. Let’s consider that though we don’t control most of the changes that life presents, we can influence how we INTERPRET those changes. You’ve lived through many challenges when things were not in your control, and you survived… If you are seeing a change beyond your control, choose not to let that take over your mind or destroy your peace. Hold it in a larger perspective – accept that: it is what it is, and no matter what life is delivering, it does not define you or prevent you from being grateful for the slices of joy that are there when you choose to notice them.

5. Live into your authenticity: Be more of who you truly are, own your battle scars, ditch the comparison, know that being you is good enough. Say yes or no to new things – you are the chooser, and open the door to wonder, wisdom, awe and transcendence.  Take care of your energy and your health, as these are fuel to wake you up to your aliveness, and the experience of deeper presence than you have ever known. That’s truly being comfortable in your own skin.