Facing Tough Times? 2 Steps to Ease Your Way
A couple of weeks ago, you may know that I was taking a pause. My mom had just gone into hospice, and I wanted to be fully present to her, the situation, say everything I wanted to say... and send her off knowing how much she was loved.
I'm grateful that my family and I were able to do this; many don't have the opportunity. One moment is very close to me; it was an instant when she opened her eyes and was very present. This gift was a window in time, and I had a rare chance to let her know… “Mom, we all love you so much, you have created a beautiful family, not only children but grandchildren, and none of us would be there without you. You are why we exist – that’s big. And more than even that, Mom, we had all learned from you the most important thing of all; that’s what it was to be a good human being. Your kindness was always there; you were always there when I needed to work out something, and you never ever judged. Your love paved the way for all of us. Be proud of your life and everyone you have touched. We love you so much, and we know you love us, and this is forever...” I watched as tears rolled down her cheeks, and felt mine as well. She passed two days later.
In this opening to say everything that was on and in my heart, I was able to express what was most important, and I want to give you an invitation to do the same – whether your loved ones as still with you, whether they have passed, we’ve seen deaths during the virus and felt great relief for those who made it through. The point is when there is someone you need to tell your feelings to, it’s always the right time.
1. In fact, because this resonates so deeply, I am inviting you to send me your letter (or words) to inspire others that it is never too late to express love, (questions welcome too). Whether they are closely or not, the mere act of writing it opens up energy. It will be my honor to share as many of these as I can too – send them to me directly at [email protected]. I truly believe this is one of the things that connects us all.
It is not fun to be with grief, but it is the doorway to greater happiness. Rumi says, “Sorrow prepares you for joy,” and I agree. Another quote I love is by Steve Maraboli, “Cry. Forgive, Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.’
Bronnie Ware worked in palliative care for eight years and sat by the bedside of those in their last weeks of life. She heard these themes again and again and chronicled the top regrets of the dying. These wake us up to look at our priorities right now. Which theme would you be willing to act on?
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Is there anything sadder than letting yourself down? When you have a dream, and you are healthy enough to go for it, celebrate and make the most of your precious time.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. At the end of the day, the project, awards, even achievements matter less than those you share them with. Choose people over pursuit—that’s one thing you will never regret.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. When you hold yourself back, That’s when feelings can fester and turn inward, causing a deeprooted sadness. Speak up, speak out—not only does it get easier, but you will gain respect from yourself as well as others. It’s also good to express love when you feel it. You are aligning with your true nature; it doesn’t get better than that.โจ
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Though we like to think of ourselves as independent, the moments of connection and friendship are what we remember most. These are the currency of life. Don’t presume you have endless opportunities to give the people you love more time. Either theirs runs out or it will be yours—today is a perfect day to show you care.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier. When we realize that happiness is a choice, we can create the conditions to allow more of it to show up. We can do it now— don’t wait. This is a win-win-win.
Whether you are longing for more contentment or greater joy, I am seeing that it’s more important than ever to intentionally create the habits of happiness. This is a stressful time, a time of uncertainty, we worry and deplete our resilience. So, I love the recent quote by Arianna Huffington, “It’s incredibly important to find little joy triggers throughout our day to make us smile in times of worry.”
2. That is why, as I go through my own journey back, I have something special for you too: a gift of 21 Days of Happiness, created originally for my nonprofit foundation Project Happiness – a free challenge to remind you that happiness is not the absence of obstacles; it is an inner reservoir that helps us handle whatever comes our way. This is the perfect time for this invitation. Join me - it will give you mental and emotional strength and remind you of who you are.